Authenticity with thyself

Well, I am writing this in the middle of a serious work to be completed at office since it has been nagging me from quite sometime.
I always had this question about a few things which have just happened in my life in the past.
I always felt the burden of carrying something on my shoulders and yet seemingly pose to myself as "ALL IS WELL"
There was this eureka moment for me just a few seconds ago when I just got present to the fact of "acceptance of things the way they are and the way they are not".
When I told myself this there was another inquiry question,Is this justice to me and myself...the whole melodrama was about life from the age of 2 to age of 26,a sudden black and white movie flash back in 120 mm screen ....
When we are disowned by our own people,the 23 chromosomal pair recieved by us ,each pair constituted by parents 23 each relates us to the whole set of people who are members of this social institution called family which has its own decorum and also cynicism associated with it.(its free free free ****).This does not eman I dont respect families,I do but not the cynical ones :)

I was trying very hard to find out why ,how and what of the whole things in my life probably from the time I was six.Each time this child inside me opened up mustering all the possible courage in the world just to find a place for herself ,it supposedly became conflicts of ego amongst elders,in the race of acquiring more and more ,even at the cost of someone's life ,but never was answered.

Till the day I said to myself "Give it a damn",surprisingly this bondage just cant be thrown away,may be because of the culture and the upbringing which speaks of "prapithamaha pithamaha pitha eva ......"
Lineage speaks loudly.

Fine now as a human ,we definitely find another door being opened ,a new thought ,a new realm ,a new beginning..I began "forgiving" for whatever occured to me as offendable and not acceptable.
Yet question of "how long "and uncertainity cropped up ..this truly indicated my inauthenticity to accept whatever was around me.I was fooling around myself actually ...

As I was dwelling in this real uncomfortable space ,what cropped up was ,the expectation behind the minds deep inside the brains and heart of "being loved as a daughter,grand daughter and all the roles I have chosen to have and a few imposed on me to respect and abide by"

It is really tough to tell oneself that "look ,you are not being loved and that is the truth"For example,a child of 6-7 years walks around the house only to find that all her cousins are being showered with love and she simply walks around and yet not noticed by anybody around.When she grows up all her life struggling just to get some time of her people who supposedly were to be "her people",and then people see her as a big threat (unaware for what),competition,treated with cynicism and what not..well these are the ways people try to tell themselves the truth of their idiosyncrasy...it is really disgusting to see how people love being as POSERS ....

It hurts when people pose to an extent where they are ready to hide their most ugliest being ( for gain)
and it is comical to see them struggle in portraying that role newly taken on and pass this on to the next generation knowing or unknowingly(impact cant even be imagined).

I do enjoy being a passive observer when all this is going around because it is easy to fling stones at neighbours house when given an opportunity and the thinking machines in themselves is on a mental vacation.When the same reverses and yet stones not being flung the very imagination is so scary....and the reactions and replies happens to be the most hilarious one.

It is like I want to say "Enough is Enough" and I choose to accept the fact and tell the truth to myself that "love the people who love you "

This leaves me with so much of space and expanded horizon..probably as good as blowing the lid off...

Life moves on..making our own choices,living our own dreams,talking our own thoughts,growing at our own pace and winning in the game we take on..Now that is called POWER and FREEDOM...


Wow what a feel it is to be authentic...ironically we dont realise it.

Thank God ....I did it :)